My Floppy Resolutions

I think the making resolutions is the most pointless tradition of New Years Day.

People set unobtainable goals and expect them to just happen.

Here are a list of the resolutions I made last year and about when they flopped.

1. I will read my scriptures more.

I read for two days then kind of ceased all together when my faith was shattered and haven't picked them up since my move in August.

2. I will attend the temple.

Wohoo I attended twice ... for family events. Yeah, that one never had a chance to even get off the ground.

3. I will walk at least three times a week no matter what.

I had a good stint of walking in the summer, but have not gone walking more than a handful of times since August.

4. I will be financially stable.

HAHAHAHA! Where should I start ... trying to start up a stupid useless crafting business, my husband losing his job ... oh no! Here's the kicker starting school again and getting huge student loans.

5. I will get my body back.

One gall bladder surgery later and I can't seem to slim down to save my life. Apparently, my body has a mind of its own.

So this year instead of setting resolutions I can't possibly meet I will just try and be better in these areas. They are not things I have to do by the end of the year, they aren't some unattainable weight loss goal, these are things that I need to do to make myself feel more accomplished. These are things I need to do to save myself and my relationships with my family.

1. Take time for just myself. Twenty minutes or so when I don't have to listen to the baby or fight with my husband. Just twenty minutes. Whether that be once a day or once a week or if I only do it once this whole year, I will take at least a twenty minute break.

2. I will try and come closer to my Heavenly Father. This means that I won't beg for things to happen in my prayers anymore. This means that I will read my scriptures more than twice over these next 365 days. This means that I will do my best to just try harder to know him and to appreciate the things he does rather than be angry at the things I feel he doesn't do.

3. I will try harder to drink less soda and drink more water. That may not happen over night. In fact I expect my need for that one coke before work to surge in intensity rather than calm down at first, but maybe at least I can drink the same amount of coke but more water to rinse it out with.

4. I will do my best to find a reason to love my husband every day. Things have not been easy with us, especially since the horrific move and I feel like the man I knew is blocked behind a wall that I just can't tear down. So instead of trying to smash it every few days I'm just going to be grateful that for the small things, like I didn't have to remind him to kiss me today or at least he thought about having a date this week.

5. I will show and tell Ellie how much I love her. Raising her hasn't been easy, and every day I drop her off at the sitters I wish that I were just staying with her. That I could be with her in our own quiet little home in Ephraim cuddled close, listening to our chickens and playing our little mommy baby games, but instead of mourning the past I will spend every moment I can spend showing her that I love her. I will let her play with my expensive things, because even if they break, they should never mean more to me than her. I will let her stick her fingers in my mouth even thought I want to scream every time she does it. I will drop whatever stupid crafting project I am doing and run around the room letting her chase me, because she's only going to want to play this game for awhile, and one day she won't want to play with me at all. I will whisper how much I love her when I lay her down to sleep every night. I will shout it to her from my car when I pull in from work. I will hold her for as long as I can, because soon she will be too big to hold. She is the most amazing gift anyone has given me and I need to show my Heavenly Father how grateful I am to have her.

6. I will try hard to accept the fact that I may not have a baby this year. I will not cry when Matt doesn't get a job at Hill and I fully realize that my dream of having a son will not be. I will not get angry when I see others with their two beautiful children and envy how happy they all seem. I will not be bitter that I can't afford the one thing I desperately want. I will be strong and happy with the child I have, and she will be enough.

7. I will get through this schooling. I may not get A's, but I will pass and I will come closer to knowing what I want to do with the rest of my adult life.

8. I will try to be happy, even when I am sad.

9. I will treat every day as if it were a brand new start and not a continuation of a crappy week.

and last

10. I will try and love myself more than I loved myself this last year. I will try and not get down on myself. I will try my best not to be sad and desolate. I will try not to stress myself out with petty beliefs that I'm obviously not doing things right. I will try and be easier on myself, because if I can't give myself a break every once and awhile, then nothing else on this list matters.