Thanksgiving

I'm not one to post this huge long status on Thanksgiving about what I'm thankful for. I realize that it is a day to recognize that, but its hard to be positive when we lost so much this year.

Matt lost his job and as such, we lost our beautiful little house in Ephraim, our chickens, my ability to stay home, our wonderful ward and the ability to be close to one of my best friends.

I know I need to be more positive though. So here are five things I am grateful for.

I am grateful for my wonderful husband who has helped me through the good and bad.

I am grateful for my beautiful daughter who brings light and joy to my life.

I am grateful that I am not homeless. While I may not like the circumstances I'm living in I am grateful I'm not on the street.

I am grateful for two steady jobs that keep Matt and I steady and gives us our much needed income.

Interesting ... I can't seem to type a last thing ...

Maybe its because I'm not so sure about the last thing. 

I was going to say that I'm grateful for the gospel, but recently its been so hard for me to get to church. I've been mourning the loss of my last ward who was the best ward I have ever had. I miss that ward every Sunday.

I guess I should just say that I'm grateful for my savior, because I'm pretty sure that he is the only person who knows exactly what I am going through, and for some reason ... that is the only thing that gives me solace.

So Happy Turkey Day everyone. 

The Philosophy of Babies

This post is dedicated to what I assume is the mindset of my baby. Enjoy!

If mom won't let me play with it ... then it must be fun.

If mom won't give me what she's eating ... I know grandma will.

Computers are toys that mom won't let me near or play with.

Anything can be a pillow, grandma, daddy, mommy when she's napping ... oh and pretty much any hard surface.

The best toys are the ones that mommy and daddy use aka socks, phones, shoes, and utensils.

Peek a boo is the best game in the world.

The TV is a very loud computer.

If mom and dad are in the bedroom, that means they want me in the bedroom too.

Remotes are the ultimate toy because they change the giant computers channels.

Binkies are like my moms soda, I need them everyday to make myself feel better.

Balls are the most fun to play with, because they roll and I can stick them in my mouth.

and my personal favorite

If anything makes music ... I must get up and dance to it.

I hope you enjoyed the Philosophy of Ellie. :)

Feathery Compatriots

This week has been full of ups and downs.

I realized what I wanted to do with my life. I want to be a behavioral teacher, something I came to realize when I was left alone at work Thursday. The day went pretty smoothly. It felt great!

Then I found out my babysitter feels like I'm not being fair about the way I pay her ... FROM A THIRD PARTY SOURCE! Really? Can't we all just be adults.

Then I found the perfect present for Matt and I had lunch with my Aunt Jenny. We went to one of my favorite places and I got to play with my baby for a few hours and had a marvelous nap. Then Matt and I went out and upgraded our handheld gaming devices. :) I also got a commission to crochet which was awesome.

Then I was chewed out by another person for missing something or not warning ahead or other some such nonsense that was supposedly "rude". Something that we had previously warned another person about, and was none of this person's business. I then had to suppress the urge to point out that this person has left town for a few days and has not told anyone ... INCLUDING THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHER when they would be home.

I feel like no one likes me right now. Its really hard not having friends up here. I miss the connections I had with people in Ephraim. I miss feeling like I belonged somewhere, like I did down there.

Most of all, I miss my chickens who's feathery indifference to my problems made them seem like they were easier to handle.

I miss the way they would just cluck at my heels if I cried while filling their water.

I miss how Ariel would peck at my feet if I wasn't moving fast enough.

I miss the way I could sit at my window and here them clucking outside.

I miss yelling at Pacha.

I miss chasing them back into the fence because they managed to find another way to escape.

I miss knowing that I would always have enough eggs to make an omelet.

Those chickens made me look on the bright side of things.

Those chickens were my friends, they were my workers, they were my allies against the world.

And yes, I realize that I'm a crazy chicken lady and that leading a group of chickens into battle would be the total opposite of glorious, but it would make an entertaining story ...

And that is what I need ... an entertaining group of comrades to make weeks like this .. seem easier.

The Selection Series

Alright so this past year I was introduced to a mind bending, life altering series of books entitled The Selection written by Kierra Cass. I had no idea why I loved these books so much. I mean I'm married with a baby, and not only that HAPPILY MARRIED! I love my husband more than I love anyone else on this entire earth!

So why was I obsessed with this teen romance.

I finally figured it out.

This past year I had a baby. Shortly after I started the first book. I didn't realize that I sympathized so much with the main character until today. I feel like I'm America Singer when I read the book, which made no sense because she is caught in, one of the overly common among teen romances, love triangles, with Prince Maxon and Aspen.

Then I realized that Matt was both my Aspen and my Maxon. He was my prince charming that I had to fight for attention now with the screaming milk hungry infant. I spent to much of my time worrying that Matt wouldn't want me if it came down to me or the baby. I worried that he would love this new baby more than he could love me. I fought for and begged for his attention in the most unladylike of ways. I tried to get back into his heart, a place I felt had no more room for me.

I crave for my old relationship with Matt. I want that time back where we would sit around at night and craft or watch a television show. The nightly walks around the block or the drives around the county. I crave the late night conversations, the random unorganized date nights. I miss the way he used to look at me, like there was no one else but me in the whole world, that I was the one and would always be the one.

Don't get me wrong here, I love my life now. I love my Matt and I know that I will grow to accept this new and changing Matt and realize my place and standing in his heart. I too will speak my mind about our relationship, the overall situation, and maybe one day ... Matt and I can have a random date night again. Maybe we can have the rare crafting night, and maybe just maybe I will start to realize that that place in his heart that was solely reserved for me hasn't decreased in size, his heart has just gotten bigger to hold his love for our daughter there.

First Post

I suppose you have to have some long eloquent first post about why you would start a blog. You should ramble on for a few pages about how you would like to inform, persuade, or rant. My blog is different because I might do all three. I might throw in some crafty stuff I do. I might throw in pictures or essays. This blog is someplace safe for my mind to empty. Somewhere where I can say it like it is in my brain instead of keeping myself or my husband up all night. So there you go my not so long and simple explanation.